Discovery

Upon closer inspection, I thought to myself, those are not udders.

The Anti Chicken

Whenever I go to KFC, I think to myself...This chicken is different!

Holy Cow

I told you the story about the bull? The one that jumped the fence when I waved the little red hanky? 

I thought it was a cow.

The Incredible Hulk

When he gets big I wonder, "What are they gonna do with the pants?"

Trouble

Tony: Ray, you're askin for trouble.
Ray: (gasp) Right here in River City?

The Safe Side

I'll wash your fruit for you, Scott.

Special Sauce

They keep it under the counter. With the goods.

Job Interview

She asked me if I could do motion graphics. I told her, I can do any kind of motion you want!

Picking out a Watermelon

You know how they have stud finders? Someone should invent a Melon Thumper.

Record Temps at Chick Fil A

Who wants to buy chicken from a dripping wet person?

A Little Help From My Friends

Leah: My husband just ordered an iPad 3!
Ray: Do you need me to come show him how to use it? Also, don't tell him I squeezed your cream cheese.

A Little Help From My Friends

Leah: My husband just ordered an iPad 3!
Ray: Do you need me to come show him how to use it? Also, don't tell him I squeezed your cream cheese.

Sentimental

I just wanted you to know before you go to my grave.

Colonoscopy

And I just started laughin' cuz those doctor's are going places I've never even been...or want to go.

Drop Box

Carrie, I'm about to drop a huge load in your box. It's big.

Photoshop

You know what I’ve got on my list today? A breast augmentation.

Bathroom Break

I'll be right there. Just gotta go check on the upholstery in the men's room.

iChat

And if you're lucky, you can have a three-way. I've had three ways before.

Apple Keynote

Well, Tim. Bless his pea-pickin heart. He's no Steve Jobs.

Physical Appt.

Next time, you should just walk right in, take off your clothes, and let them have their way with you. Then give them your money.

Brownies

Lori: Aww--all the brownies are gone!

Ray: Nope. I'm still here.

Snacks

Look at all this! This will go perfect in Jon's drawers.

Dr. Visit

He said he's gonna do stuff to me. Stuff that might want me to make me throw myself to the elephants.

Chik Fil A

You look ilk a man who can hold his chicken.

250 Piece Nuggets

You'll never guess what happened to me on the way in. This plate of chicken just jumped in my car and got all up in my business.

Surprising News

Get out of town! Just when you think you have your underwear high enough to wade through the water!

Favorite Fish

Hey Ray, what's your favorite fish to fry?

Oh that's easy. Red Snapple. The spicy kind.

Busy

That's OK, I can wait to start that job. I've got other fish to fry. Big ones. Smelly ones.

Jay Walking

I'm not worried. Do you know what happens if you hit a black man in Colorado Springs?!

Advice for the Next Generation

Learn from the past. Otherwise, omigoodness.

Lights Out

Don't worry. I'll smile so we can see where you're goin'.

Map of South America

Would you look at the legs on Argentina!

Foosball

James: "You've got the white balls on your side, Ray."

Ray: "Well, technically, no. But I'll leave that one alone."

Soup

It's got lumps as big as your head.

Tupperware, Take 3

Tupperware, Take 2

I gave you all the good stuff. Matching lids and everything. Some people go their whole lives without matching lids.

Tupperware

You could fit a whole chinchilla in there.

Fruity

You look like a man who could use a kumquat.