Christmas Food

A chicken inside a duck inside a turkey. Now if they can make that I'm sure I could do a nice pork-salmon.

Worms

That's the last thing you need. Tapeworms.

Starbucks

Venti is Italian. Grande means big, in Spanish. And then 'tall' is American. It just doesn't make any sense!

Halloween Costume

I'm gonna be Samuel L. Jackson. And when people guess who I am, I'll say 'You're just guessin that cause I'm black.'

Chilly

I've got some thermals? They're clean.

Surveillance Cameras

I bet you can't even sit down and enjoy a potato salad sandwich without somebody seein.

College Track

I hated sprinters. They thought they were the best thing since sliced cheese.

Smell

There must be something happening in the building. Like a garlic fire.

Huge Grapes from Sam's

These guys are on sty-roids. I was thinkin about dressin them up as olives for Halloween.

True Friendship

I'd walk across busted glass for you guys.

Jon's Concert at the Bar

No marsh pits in there, it's too small.

Sweet Cheeks

Everybody, just so you know. I asked Beata what she means when she calls me Sweet Cheeks, and she means my face.

Photo Shoot

Just pretend you're "The Thinker." And you can keep your clothes on, too.

Ray's BDay 2008

Life Wisdom

Life is like that. Next thing you know you have three arms comin out of places you don't even want to talk about.

Philosophical

It's one of the great questions of life. What makes things sweat in the refrigerator?

Chik-Fil-A, Round 2

I've come to the conclusion that me and Spicy Chicken aren't meant to be. I think it was the hot-cheese.

New Pet

Kelsey: I'm lookin for something between a hamster and a gerbil.
Ray: Like a possum?

You're the best!

No, you're the best. Plus you got great heels.

Lunchtime

I was thinkin. If they can make a Kraken, I could probably make a pork-salmon.

Chik-Fil-A

I'm gonna get hot and spicy tonight. Blow my head right off.

Smooth

Sometimes, life comes and goes. Like a banana split.

Consolation

We all have days like that. You know, when you just wanna hide and tear off an appendage?

Long night.

I had to put the lights back on and hook myself up.

German Farewell

Bye, Bob. All feet are the same!

Beans

They call these 'baby string beans.' I wonder where they keep the adult ones? Probably in the back of the store.

iPhone 4

You could get the old one if you're worried about being too cool.

Sweet.

We all got sweet hook ups, don't we?

Bob's birthday

Spice cake. Can you smoke it?

Heck yes.

And all God's people said 'Heck Yes!'

Rough Day

I think I'm gonna throw myself to the elephants.

Raise

Now you can get the kids out of the pawn shop.

You gonna go home soon?

Soon enough. Before the Lord comes back.

SOHL

You'll never guess what I have to do for the new pregnancy booklet. They want me to take these fallopian tubes and do stuff to 'em.

Celebrity Status

Wow--finally. One of those high falootin' jobs!

Pandora

"Oh, I know this girl. I've got three of her songs. She's real French-sounding. And she sings in nightclubs and stuff. I guess you call that 'sultry'."

Personal Jesus

Hey Jeremy, who's that?

Depeche Mode.

Pesh Mode?

De-pesh Mode. Crazy, huh?

Yeah. Like dancing mashed potatoes.

Blessing

Well bless your cotton pickin' heart!

Birthday Cake

A cake so big it won't fit in the container. Now, that's love.

(R) Placement

That looks like a booger you want to pick.

Mug Shot

Wow that's a big coffee cup. I could fit my whole face in there.

Squish

I like to be squished.

Neckin

I think people like necking at the park. And they don't even have the fountain going yet.

I try not to look in the windshields.

Poles

You should be put up on top of a pole so people can say ‘well done’.
You would look good up on a pole!

Elephants

It's been a day. Ever feel like you just want to throw yourself to the elephants?

Judy

She's under the spout where the love come out.

Stink Eye

Put that eye back in your pocket.

Compliment

You're not an A-hole. You're much bigger than that!

Busy

My plate's so full, I got peas coming out the side.

Seat Warmers

And at first you're like, why are my pants hot?

Lunch

Can I get you anything? A baby chicken? Squid?

Chops.

I don't want my chops busted.

Theatre

Is that the one by Tinkletown?

Tarantula

[Bob] Somebody's been messin with my cube.

[Ray] Maybe it was a tarantula. They got all sorts of arms and legs and stuff. . . . is there hair everywhere?

Possum

A possum is like a rat in a little white coat.

Sigh.

[Sigh] Sometimes I just wish I could sit outside the universe in a chair with seat warmers.

New friends.

We should invite the guys from the third floor up for a party. Offer them a big assortment of mat knives. You know they got theirs taken away?

Sweet and Sour

It's warm out there--just like sweet and sour pork. Hot and cold, hot and cold. Or maybe bacon.

Kicking the Bucket

A crystal box. Wouldn't you like to be buried in something like that? Either that or be thrown in a bonfire out back.

Meeting

I hope the meeting isn't too long. I've got work to do. Babies to kiss.

Cold day.

It's a great day for soup. Do you like lumpy soup?

The Park.

It was empty. Nobody there. Except for these people necking.

Considerate.

[Wanna fight?]

Yeah. Out back. In the dumpsters. That way there's no mess.

Steph's Purse

Boy, that's a big bag. You could have a whole Bible study in there.

Moving

Looks like I'm gonna be movin my drawers today.

Seats.

People like my seats. And they're not even heated.

Krispy.

Ray: [GASP!] Is that a hostess twinkie?

Bob: Noa, it's a rice krispy treat. I got em comin' out my ears. Want one?

Ray: I want the one that didn't come out of your ear.

Farewell.

Bye, Jeremy--have fun stormin' the castle!

A little help from my friends.

If it weren't for my friends, I'd be walkin on the freeway. Naked as a jaybird, waitin for the Lord to come.

Under the bridge.

Have fun on your walk. There's some nice things happening under the bridge.

Tulips

Jennifer, just think. Soon you'll be cacheting through the tulips, and today will be a thing of the past.

Sweet.

Sometimes it's like you dip me in chocolate and make me feel sweet all over.

Smells good.

Hey, want something to put in your office? It smells good.

Burnt Beak

I hate the smell of burnt beak.

Email notification

From: "Moore, Ray"

Good Morning... :)

Stef and I are meeting with Zane this morning...so I should be in by 9:30 am...God willing and the creek doesn't raise.

So for all those coffee drinkers out there, I think tall and black is on tap for today... :) (and I don't mean me)

Sent from my iPhone

MacDaddy

(On being nervous about the upcoming Apple product release.)
I'm going to the bathroom to wait it out.

(About how he and Steve Jobs are almost the same age.)
We could be kissing brothers.

Mmmm, cupcakes

Jen, I just ate one of your cupcakes. But not one of the sweaty ones. I would've ran across busted glass to get one of the sweaty ones.

Eyeballs

You should take my eyeballs out and look at yourself.

New ear phones

They're good. But with the suction stuff they use—make sure you're good and ready because once they're in, Grandma's not getting in there.

Christmas list

That's what I need for Christmas. A couple of glass eyes.

Let's go screw some stuff.

Ray & Jeremy are putting together bookshelves next to Jen's desk.

Ray: "Jeremy, let's go screw some stuff."

Holes in the boards were not drilled all the way through.

Ray: "Seems like someone's been plugging our holes."